A step closer to confidence
I climbed a mountain then turned around. No, not really. But I did learn something.
Hiking is very popular in the desert.
Since moving to the Southern California desert in mid-2020, hiking spots have been recommended to me in one form or another dozens of times. But, like so many activities Californians do, “hiking” isn’t just something people here do on occasion — it often looks like a whole different way of life.
I find it intimidating: both the hiking life and hiking itself, especially here in the desert.
I don’t know what to do if I encounter a coyote or a rattlesnake. Then there’s the logistics: how much water am I supposed to bring? Do I need hiking boots or are sneakers OK? Is there surprise climbing or spelunking involved? Will I end up being one of those people who get stuck or lost and need first responders to save them?
(I worked in local news. This happens. Don’t believe me? See here!)
Given my limited history of physical activity, I figured I wouldn’t be able to do long, rigorous hikes. I never joined group hikes because I was pretty sure I’d annoy other people with the way I would slow things down. Or, worse, they would just go on without me, trudging forward with confidence.
I’d be alone, sitting on a rock — hungry, afraid and too fatigued to turn back.
Instead, I’ve told people I need to work up to hiking with them and, from my couch, I sit impressed at their photos on Instagram. They see bighorn sheep, deep canyons, and dark, starry nights.
My progression has been slow. I have not been working up to anything. I walk the dog a few blocks on flat streets most days. That isn’t exactly a Couch to 5k.
But then I went hiking anyway — on a hike I thought was going to be really, really difficult. I was going with someone who is supportive and patient and, also, not an avid hiker. Together, we would do our best.
The place: Mecca, Calif. The hike: Painted Canyon and Ladder Canyon.
“Ladder Canyon” because there are LADDERS you need to climb in order to get up, down and in-between some of the canyons. Sounds (and looks) pretty sketchy.
We’re such novices that we ended up spending an hour on the wrong hike just adjacent to the entrance. Would we make it 4.5 miles after spending an hour already on one accidental mile?
Then we encountered a large arrow on the ground made by rocks point us to go left in-between some giant boulders. We decided to go in the opposite direction and, like shoppers going the wrong direction in the pandemic-era grocery aisles, we received a few curious looks along the way.
It took a while for us to encounter a ladder and, for a while, it was just a leisurely walk through some desert terrain. Then there it was. Of course, one of the first ladders we encountered was missing a step.
I was scared. The alternative, however, would be turning back. And that, my friends, felt incredibly disappointing. So, I took it one rung at a time. Then, there I was at the top.
I did it! And another ladder was waiting.
And another.
When we got back to the car at the end of the day, I wasn’t sore, fatigued or breathless. I was in better shape than I thought. I was more capable than I thought.
Now I’m excited for the next hike — the next challenge.
I need to remind myself of this in all the areas of life where I’d like to have more confidence and more courage.
My default is usually to read more, learn more and and ask other people for their opinions before feeling like I’m prepared enough to dive into something new. I often feel I’m not qualified enough yet, i.e. “I’m not qualified to hike with you so, therefore, I will not hike with you.”
If other people have these thoughts too, it makes sense why people usually regret the things they didn’t do more than the things they did. If you did it and you failed, you probably learned something and, at least, you know you tried — maybe even gave it your all. However, if you keep putting it off, you may put it off forever and never know what might have been. You may never know what you were truly capable of.
Or what you beauty you may have encountered.
I learned today that Reese Witherspoon wanted to quit her role as June Carter in Walk the Line. Not only did she win an Oscar for her portrayal, but this is one of those movies I can watch over and over again (and that’s a slim list). She said she even tried to quit!
She struggled. She cried. She wasn’t sure she could do it.
Reese talked about it on the podcast Re:Thinking with Adam Grant.
He pointed out that there is common misconception people have about confidence — that it takes confidence to do the hard thing.
“Most people think, ‘Well, I can't go for this ambitious goal until I've built up my confidence.’ And the research tells us exactly the opposite, which is you don't need confidence to pursue a challenging goal,” Adam said. “You build your confidence through pursuing challenging goals.“
Dang. It makes sense. It’s scary. It takes away our excuses.
I wrote it on the whiteboard we have on the refrigerator: “You build your confidence through pursuing challenging goals.“
I will try to remember this when, like a novice hiker, I take those first unsteady steps toward my next goal. Maybe you will too.
Maria, congratulations on your first desert hike. Ken